Do me a favor. No, do yourself a favor. Find a hobby.
I racked my brains for weeks – no, months – NO, YEARS to figure out a hobby. Did a major in college count as a hobby?? What about work? Is your job considered a hobby? You spend most of your awake hours doing it, so I guess so….
What about drinking…..? Is that socially acceptable to list as a hobby? I don’t want to sound like a lush, but wine *cough* with lunch *cough*….is the best.
Like, how often do you actually need to do something for it to be considered a “hobby” and not just a fun activity you occasionally participate in?? Will there be a quiz later?
I got to a point that whenever people asked me what I liked to do for fun, I would just lie and tell them that photography was my hobby. It was a cop-out answer that I used often because it was easy for people to file me in their “eclectic and artistic” category of acquaintances. (Do you ever do that to fit in or appear a certain way? Or is that just me?)
Like if I’m hanging with some hipsters, I’ll be sure to mention that I’ve been “cooking for a more vegetarian lifestyle” all while drinking a kombucha.
Haters gonna hate. I do love kombucha.
But in reality, photography is not my hobby. It’s my job. And I do not pick up a camera unless I make the choice to pick up a camera. It is not natural, and it does not always bring me joy. And when I’ve been doing it all day long, I’m ready to do SOMETHING ELSE by the end of the day.
In my mind, a hobby is something that you really enjoy doing that doesn’t make you feel like a lazy fuck or a bad person afterwards. There’s usually a community involved somewhere in there, too.
After the divorce, I realized how much really I needed this.
Going from having a forever life partner that you can watch tv with after dinner to not so much as a cat to keep you company is…well, let me just tell you how much you NEED a fucking hobby.
You start to notice how lame your life is really becoming after/while going though a divorce when you realize you have nothing better to do than to watch your plants photosynthesize.
I remember complaining about allllllllll of my free time to one of my girlfriends when I was fishing for ideas of new hobbies I might be able to try. Do you know what she said?? It fucking blew my mind.
“I LOVE sitting on the porch reading a self-help book and drinking white wine.”
My first thought was, “Oh my God!!! Me too!” Then my second thought was, “Wait, is that considered a hobby?”
And there it is! Right there. WHO am I trying to impress here? If keeping a God damn stamp collection is considered a hobby, then you better believe that reading self-help books while drinking wine is a hobby.
You know what the sad part was….?
I was ALREADY DOING THIS.
Who knew it was even a thing?? I just never thought about a hobby in that way. I always thought hobbies were things like: painting, photography, knitting, exercising (gah, I wish that was a hobby), cooking…blah blah blah.
But look! This chick literally smashes her face in loaves of bread as a hobby…and films it!
So, let me just lay this out for you. There is NO RULEBOOK that says, “Hey chicka, your hobby doesn’t fucking exist, so why don’t you just go take a watercolor class and call it a day.”
Just because it’s not listed as an “interest” on Facebook does NOT mean it’s not real.
Start by making a list of everything you do in a normal day. Then, imagine if you were given a hundred bucks to take off on a random Tuesday (wouldn’t that be nice?!), and you could do ANYTHING you wanted…what would that be? Get a manicure? Go see a movie? Shop a little? Play video games? Tan? Stare at kittens all day? Go on a hike? Organize your closet?
It doesn’t have to be a big thing. But it does have to be something that you actually enjoy. Something where you say…. “Ooooo, I get to do x.” Not, “Ugh, I have to do x.”
Here’s my own list of hobbies in case you need some inspiration.
Steal them. Tweak them. Or do your own thing. It’s a free world. Comment below with some of your hobbies, too!
1. Listening to “personal development books” while driving or going on a walk. All thanks to Audible. And after I finish a book, I love going to read reviews to see what other people thought. The reviews after the book are sometimes just as rewarding as reading the book itself.
2. Watching Korean soap operas. OMG, this is more of a guilty pleasure for me than a healthy hobby because I just get sucked in for embarrassingly long periods of time glued to the tv. But I genuinely enjoy it, so it goes into the hobby category and not the destructive category. I especially enjoy kdramas (yes, we have a name for Korean soaps) while eating Chinese takeout. When I decide to have a kdrama night, I make it into an event!! I pick out a few different Chinese dishes, ya know – splurge an extra 8 bucks, then I get a bottle of wine or some fancy beer, and even light myself a little candle to set the mood. That’s right – I take myself out on a little date. Three words…Treat. YO. SELF.
3. Going out to eat (preferably with someone). But not just for the food….it’s for the company and the atmosphere, in addition to the food! Having some conversation, satisfying a food craving, putting on pants that have actual buttons. All of these things are wins in my book. I do hate that it’s expensive and usually pretty unhealthy…otherwise, I would probably go out to eat every day.
4. Traveling. Walking around in a new city, ahhhh! I love the language aspect that comes with the international travel. But mostly, I LOVE experiencing the food culture. I get so excited by this, I plan out where I’m going to eat next while I’m still at the current restaurant! Again, the reviews. Love them!
5. Day drinking. Going to a bar or a restaurant with a girlfriend and drinking. AHHHHHH, SO MUCH FUN. I heard someone call this girlfriends + lunch + wine combo = “ladies who lunch.” I love being a “lady who lunches.” For me, drinking during the day is like giving the finger to the MAN. That’s right, I don’t have to go into the office after this. Ha! So what the fuck are you going to do about it?! It’s so liberating.
6. Brainstorming. I LOVE love love hanging out with someone who owns a business (or just has a bunch of cool ideas) and coming up with viable business ventures. I get super amped up, and think about it for hours after the conversation. Sometimes, it turns into something. Sometimes, it is what it is…brainstorming. How do I find people to talk biz with?? Look for local Facebook groups that meet up and request to join. Sometimes, it really is as simple as that….
7. Writing/Journaling. My idea of a perfect day is going to a coffee shop with my laptop and writing posts for this blog. Not only is finishing a post super rewarding, but I usually get a little chocolate dessert to go with my coffee, which is just the cherry on top.
8. Go to the gym. I know I said I don’t like exercising, but I do like going to the gym for the sole purpose of watching guys do their pushups and arm dips. OMG. So what if I do?! It’s another win-win. I work out so I can eat and drink all the things I love from my other hobbies without gaining a ton of weight AND I get to stare at hot guys get all sweaty and lift weights. Win Fucking Win.
Look, this list goes on WAY longer, but for the sake of time, I’ll stop here. Yes, I’m aware that most of my hobbies consist of eating and drinking. It is what it is, and I’m not going to apologize for the things that I like. But just because one person may laugh at you or judge you for your “hobby,” does NOT mean that there isn’t some other person who feels exactly the same way. You just have to find your people.
And you have to own it.
I can guarantee you that the bread face girl certainly is.
Till next time. 🙂
I love this post! There are so many things I want to try or get back to once I am separated. Right now, I come home, we eat dinner, sit on the couch, watch TV and go to bed. Rinse. Repeat. Can you say BOOOOORING?! Thanks for the inspiration, Madison! 💕
Thanks so much for your comment! I hear alllll of that! It takes time to get the hang of spending evenings alone, and tv was definitely my first go-to to kill time. I even had a hard time finding friends to hang out with because all of my people were married. All this to say, I feel ya! Definitely check back in and let me know what hobbies you start! Always looking for new ideas! 🙂