Hi, my name is Madison, and I’m burnt out. ← The weight of this sentence, man…. I’m scared to type it. Scared to think it. Scared to even acknowledge this thought in my brain because that makes it real. But, I don’t know how to fix it. I just want the burnout to go away! I just want to take pictures, love my life, and make a “suitable” living while traveling the world. Is that too much to ask for?? Gah.
But nevertheless, as if my brain flipped a switch one day, I started resenting the very work that I once ate/slept/breathed for years of my life. Tired all of the time; frustrated with client requests; dreading the semi-menial operational tasks; and detaching from my end product (something that I feel like is the ultimate no-no in delivering a product/service with my name on it.)
I’ve tried to get my mojo back. To cure the burnout.
Working less. Attending photography conferences, hoping to get inspired by other photographers killing it in their fields. Investing in education courses to learn new techniques. Joining a few different photography communities. Trying out some new fields of photography instead of just weddings.
None of these things worked. And I’m left wondering:
Is it me or is it the job?
If I’m honest with myself, I already know the answer…
So, I started asking questions like:
Why am I doing this job in the first place?
Do I have any enjoyment left in it?
What do I need in order to be happy? (money, environment, things, job rewards, etc.)
What would I rather be doing with my time?
What do I want to do with my life? <–I know this question is not helpful at all because, like, who the fuck knows the answer to this? If you knew the answer, you’d already be doing it. But I throw it in here because it’s a question I asked a thousand times, nevertheless…
Who am I trying to please?
Why am I scared to change?
If money was no big deal what does the best day in the world look like for me?
These questions have ultimately led me here…typing this very post for this blog while sitting in a coffee shop in Taipei on a mini retirement. Ready for my next stop on the map, one step closer. Closer to what? I don’t know, but I think it’s somewhere in the middle of being on the right track to job fulfillment and life purpose (small goals, I know) and being so fucking lost, I can’t even find the road.
It’s scary…being lost.
But it’s also an adventure.
Maybe that’s the burnout cure I’ve been looking for.